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Amazing Spider-Man 2 – Chimps Tea Party
July 28, 2014 By ??? ???
I’ll tell you what really gets my panties in a bunch. When you pay good money to go to the cinema and find yourself surrounded by imbeciles who can’t stop talking, spend the entire film on their mobiles or think it’s their private dining room.
At a recent screening of The Amazing Spider-man 2 – as I sat watching the trailers, my blood ran cold as I saw what looked like an overweight version of the Addams family, laden with armfuls of noisy consumables.
Hotdogs, Nachos, Popcorn, Coffee, Coke, Chocolate. You name it, they were going to scoff it and as the only five seats together were behind me, I knew what was coming.
Sure enough, down they sat, straight away it was like feeding time at the zoo. When they weren’t slurring, chewing and crackling all their packaging, they engaged in enlightening conversation about what the different centers were in the family sized sack of Revels; how there used to be coconut and nut ones etc…
I turned to the patriarch who looked and smelled like a bloated bison and with my best wolverine scowl, I said:
“Look, I can just about stand this through the trailers, but finish your evening meal before the film comes on or you’ll be eating the packaging as well as what’s in them.”
I can be quite scary when I’m perturbed so I hoped that would do the trick. So, I hear you ask “were they quiet when the film came on?” … were they ****!
Remembering that the penalties against assult are quite stringent and having been remiss enough not to have packed my horsewhip or elephant gun, I decided to retreat. After a rant at the manager I secured a refund and left in a huff.
I returned for the first showing on Sunday morning when there were only two old ladies, an assortment of ‘Billy no Mates’ sat on their own and four teenage girls on the front row – and although one of them was quite ugly and one looked like she’d had her hair cut with a knife and fork, I let it pass.
What was the film like? To be honest, I’d had a skin full the night before and didn’t get in from Spearmint Rhino till 3:30am – so I fell asleep about ten minutes in.